as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
