anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
