Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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