Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
