I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
