if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
