I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
