Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He kissed a someone with a penis
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
