Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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