I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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