seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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