I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
