I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
