Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
