I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
