Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
