Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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