i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
