I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
