so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
did you just send me my own nude
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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