I'm sorry my penis didn't work
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
