im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
