I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
