My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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