She said her name was "party"
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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