I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
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