wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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