dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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