The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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