and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
