dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
