Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You can't motorboat a personality
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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