We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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