Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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