i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
