He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
