I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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