I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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