White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
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