A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
