I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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