just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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