i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
