chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
