I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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