I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
