Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
