I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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