and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
