He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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