He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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