even my farts smell like vagina
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
