K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
