If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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