Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
