i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
