I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
