I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
