The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
