Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
